Trick or Treat - Wayne Brady

I enjoy Halloween. Something about helping the kids enjoy their youthfulness, I guess. But when did it become acceptable for adults to Trick-or-Treat? I suspect they are from the neighboring trailor park, I've never seen them around here. The neighborhood parents escort their kids, that's all good. But these Trailer folks came out, in NO costume, using either pillow cases or Target bags talking about "Trick or Treat". I'm thinking... "You're the TRICK" but refrained from speaking, didn't want a brick thrown at my window.

I also know for a fact that some houses had kids meet at their house before they went out. Maybe those families came from apartment complexes, or someplace dangerous, I don't know. But what I do know is that when a mob of kids come to the house, it's no longer a courteous request for candy. I have a young, tall rose plant right by my door. It's part of my garden. Yes, it has those big thorns! Guess what? It now has now no thorns. These damn rugrats trounced all through my garden!!! I'm glad my rose fought back, and stuck their little asses. After seeing my the leaves of my plants scattered everywhere, I decided that the next kid that rings my doorbell... I'm going to come out in costume, with fully functioning accessories, yelling I'm Wayne Brady BITCH!!!

Homecoming

This was Morehouse & Spelman's Homecoming weekend! It was quite enjoyable. Dat Fuule came down and some other fellow alum attended the tailgatting, game, and alumni partiies. The Morehouse Marching band was quite unimpressive. The game against Albany State wasn't that much better. Both seemed like watching a High School game. But what do you expect. Who won game? Who knows... who cares.

The party that night was adventurous. You guys would be impressed, I was dressed very sharp! Since it was an alumni party, I fit in quite well as everyone else left their ghetto & hoochie gear in the closet. My smile was quickly erased when I felt something wet on back. I turned around quickly, and saw some girl accidently knock a full glass of wine out a guy's hand, onto the back of my clean shirt, down the back of my sharply pressed pants, splattered about my Italian shoes, then glass & wine splattering about the floor. I was wearing about $450 that night, so I think I had a very good reason to be upset. Don't worry, I didn't act a fool. I just tried to clean off as much as I can and tried to salvage the night. The culprits who blessed me with wine never apologized, just stared at me to see what I was going to do. It's OK. I forgave them. I got them back though. When i was staring at them, I mentally pimp slapped the girl for being a clutz, and I body slammed the dude for not being able to hold his liquor.

Eminem's Mosh

I'm a little happier today, so here today's thoughts...

Did you see Eminem's Mosh video? Firstly, the video is tight. Secondly, His lyrical ripping of the prez is impressive. Thirdly, doesn't he know that he can't threaten to kill the president? He knows now, since the Secret Service just finished investigating him.

The video takes a while to load, but worth checking out as well as the lyrics.

Guy's Rules

I'm too sad to write a blog, so I'll leave you with the guy's rules:

The Guys' Rules

We always hear"the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

DL?

I had a nice time on Friday! I went to a Vail Resorts presentation. I knew they were going to be trying to get us to go to one of the Vail resorts this winter for some excellent skiing, but this event was off the chain! They had free drinks everywhere! Each resort had their unique drink. Margaritas, wine, that blue shit, beer, it was all good. Feel sorry for the folks that don't drink. I think they had water someplace. Awesome event...

Of course, the place was filled with travel agents. So they were ecstatic when they found a rare person that was not also in their profession. That was typical for the night, walked away with a bunch of business cards. But then there was this one guy. An old, caucasian, weird looking man. OK, here is what he looked like 20 years ago:
. I should've known from his creepy look that he has some demonic desires.

He gives me the typical travel agent spiel(sp?), and I promise to look him up for a future trip, the typical response. He talks about his wife & travels & everything, whatever. Then why did he compliment me on my long fingers? Not knowing where he's going with this conversation and feeling tipsy, I respond, "yeah, the ladies get real intrigued when they see them too." The conversation leaded to me confessing that I play the piano, and stated he wants me to teach him. A comment I, of course, ignored.

Fast forwarding to the next day, this fool e-mails me: I would love to come by sometime ... if that would be OK ... to see you doing your piano practice.  Would you please invite me?  I loved those fingers (and I had to S M I L E at your comment about some women might like to measure them .... and some another aspect of you !!  I really enjoyed that funny moment.)  Please ... if that would be ok ... call me on my cell anytime when you would have a few minutes.  I have WANTED to be able to learn...but have failed.  404 840 ####.

What the hell? I know Black women out here are all paranoid about Black men on the DL. For those that don't know, DL refers to men that have relationships with women but undercover sex with men (DownLow). All I could think about is this 65 y/o man, that's married, has a very sick motive. Or maybe I'm paranoid. Yes, I admit, I'm homophobic, but damn! This is some sick shit!

OK, new topic. I went to a house party tonight. Some folks were acting fools in the living room, all in good fun, dancing as if they were still in college. To add some fun, I started throwing money in air cause ole girl went from dancing with ole dude to acting like a stripper! They were all one dollar bills, and I was going to grab them back up, of course. But why did this one GHETTO chick run from the kitchen to grab one of my dollar bills?! G.H.E.T.T.O. On top of that, she kept it!!!!!!! I have a message for Ghetto Girl: If you really need my dollar that much, keep it! Everyone saw what you did, so don't expect to get any respect if we see you again!!!

Giving up on the Stock market!

I waived the whiie flag today! No mas. I've been bamboozled by the stock market.

I've dabbled in the market since 1997. But those were for long term gains. In 1991, I did my research, found some depressed stocks that were bound to improve, diversified the portfolio, I was in really good shape! I put my funds in in August. Then 9/11 happened. I instantly lost 20% of what I invested. It took an entire year to recoup my losses. I remained patient. Very patient. But after five years, my patience has run out. After 3 years of complaining, I finally cashed out. Do you want to know how much I gained in 5 years? 4.3%/. That's it! 5 years, totaling 4.3%. I made over 10% in my savings account over the same period! So plan A & B failed to make me into a sugar daddy. Plan C... Rental property!

On another note, I talked the kid assigned to me from my volunteer project today. If you don't know what I'm talking about it, you can read about it 3 posts below or click here. I see a potential bad kid that's talking to me with the utmost respect. Yes 'sir', No 'sir'. Maybe its because I'm never around any kids, but being called 'sir' is just tripping me out! Hopefully, its a sign that this kid takes me seriously and I can help influence him to stay out of trouble.

Burger King meets Gay Porn

I had to do a doubletake. What the hell is Burger King advertising in their latest commercial? I saw glimpses of it before since I rarely watch commercials with any interest. But tonight, I was unusually glued to the screen to see this awful sight!

Dude wakes up from a good night's sleep to find the Burger King staring him down. There is only 2 reasons why someone would be staring at you while you sleep. 1> The killer is about to slash your throat or 2> You just had some awesome sex and your partner is waiting patiently for round 2. Am I wrong?

It gets worse! Then the Burger King treats his lucky date to a crosanwich!!! I would love for my girl to wake me up with a hot breakfast fully prepared when I wake up. I just don't understand the gay courtesy thing (not trying to either). After he serves him breakfast, which the dude is very gracious to receive, the BK gently puts his hand on dude's knee. *sick* Then the dude puts his hand on BK's hand (which is still on his knee). As if nothing else in the commercial was weird, they both react quickly and remove their hands. :-\ :-/ I don't get it! Is this like when you have a one night stand after too many drinks and don't want to see the other person anymore?

The commercial concludes with the gay porn slogan "Wake Up With The King!" I'm boycotting BK until this twisted commercial has left the shallow halls of my memory. I'm so paranoid now, I'm going to set my alarm tnoight to ensure I don't wake up with any unwanted guest when I wake up in the morning.

Happy Hour!

T.G.I.F!!!

Whomever came up with Happy Hour... I'll buy him a nice big drink. The most relaxing part of the week are the couple of hours when I can chill with cool folks, no drama, throw back some quality drinks that are inexpensive, and just trip out. The more you drink, the better everyone looks, the funnier people's comments are, and the less you're concerned about the reality that awaits you outside the door. But whoa, look at the watch... almost 7, DAMN!!! Cheap drinks end. Well, it was good while it lasted, back to reality. :-/

Helping the kids

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

For a several months now, I have been volunteering with the county to help youth who have committed their first offense get a second chance to enter adulthood without a criminal record. Most of them are good kids that made a stupid mistake, they are worthy of a second chance. But there's the other bunch. The one's with broken homes or non-attentive parents, the ones you know if they continue will end up dead or in jail, the ones you think may be a lost cause because they know they want to rebellious. Raising a teenager has to be the hardest phase of a parents life.

I heard three cases. One kid just received STATE honors in Biology and goes to basketball camps in other states. Definitely bound for great glory and held up on a pedastal. The board didn't want me to handle his case, they gave me the bas-ass rebellious kid that needs a stern male influence. I'll do the best I can to make him want to do right, excell, and follow his dreams. He's one of those teenages who knows more than everyone else, so doesn't believe what adults tell them. Was I that bad?

Fighting for R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Firstly, I'm not complaining, not whining, I'm just tellling it like it is, from my perspective.

Why is it that my teammates at work seem to get their job done easily, while I have to fight to accomplish anything? It probably just seems that way since I ignore them when they are complaining about anything. I complained the other month, and now all hell is breaking loose because the target of my accusations thinks I'm overstepping my "place". What the hell?

To me, the issue is small, a simple work disagreement. Two folks sees things two different ways. Happens all the time. This circus started when I wrote a trip report that conflicted with this other guy's perception. My letter went to my boss, then to my boss's boss, then to his boss's boss (yep, 3 levels up). And the same with the bitter co-worker's letter. Now Directors of the company are in an uproar because one department doesn't respect the other, and thusly I'm not getting any respect. My manager told me to continue doing my job, which I did, and that erupted into another uproar! Again, top management, Directors start going at it.

The funny thing is (ok I have a drab since of humor), all of this chaos could've been avoided if the guy who didn't agree with my job function just picked up the phone, e-mailed, or came & talk to me directly. We all have to work together, so it just makes since to me that you deal with problems at the source, not tattle-tell to mommy. To me, it all comes down to respect. If you respect someone, there's no beating around the bush. Since I'm not respected, I'm avoided, and get an earfull from my management. Based on what I hear, I am winning this power struggle, and slowly earning my r.e.s.p.e.c.t. Tomorrow, gotta continue taking care of business.

Rough Landing!!!

No more complaining about bad flights.

These folks here had just landed in Bangledesh!





A Bangladeshi Biman aircraft lies at an angle after it skidded off a rain-soaked runway, in Sylhet city, 192 kilometers (120 miles) northeast of Dhaka, Bangladesh, Friday, Oct. 8, 2004. The plane, carrying 87 people including five crew, hit a large puddle of water before veering off the runway injuring several people. (AP Photo/Ab Foisol)

Fake Spinners

I know everyone shares my biggest pet peeve.... seeing these cheap, fake spinners on hoopties!!! Who said these were cool? Did I miss this memo? Now I have respect for the real ones... the chrome rims that teach a lesson in Dynamics at every red light. But these fake ones.... UGH! 1> They're plastic. 2> They snap onto the rims 3> They may give you 3 rotations when the car stops. 4> They're ugly 5> Fools like me want to snatch it off just to proove a point.

I happened to be web browsing, and realized that I wasn't the only one! There's actually folks out there that clean up the environment by removing one of the fake hub caps off of cars. I was thinking of a new hobby, I can line my garage wall with fake spinners. :-)

In case anyone wants to look lame, you can find you a nice set of 4 from Autozone for $50.

The BMW "Zone" - My first blog!!!!

This is my first blog posting. Seems like I'm slow, behind the times. I was the last one to get a cell phone in Silicon Valley, of all places. I have a broadband internet connection and still don't download music. Its OK, I'll catch up with the masses soon.

Today's ramble has to do with my BMW Autocross experience. Exhilirating, I must say. I now know through experience why BMW calls the X3 a SAV (Sports Activity Vehicle) instead of an SUV. I took this SAV through hairpin turns at fast speeds, very aggressive braking & accelerating, wheels screeching & smoking, it was AWESOME!!! I was totally in the "zone", hugging all the corners, hitting the pedals at just the right moment.... There was a professional race driver in the passenger seat. I could have interpreted his commands as condescending; but since I was in the "Zone", his words were at one with my thoughts... "Bank the outside, mash the brakes. hug the inside, let loose on the gas (he was from England)..." The instructor must have realized my driving skills cause after every had 2 chances at driving like Dale Earnhardt, he compared notes with the other instructors and selected me as the best driver in the group!!!! I received a BMW award that read "Best Performance". Check it out! Now all I need is the car to go along with it....

You may be wondering how I found this "zone". If you're not, I'm going to tell you anyways. Believe it or not, its from years of learning & practicing on..... my PS2!!! Yep. Believe it or not, Gran Turismo 3 is the most realistic racing game possible. There's a new one out that's probably just sick! I also checked out several other BMW models, took 'em for a test drive. They all easily accelerate to over 100+ mph! Don't ask how I know. One thing I learned: It's not cool to drive a Z4 with the top down when your head full of locs are slapping you upside the head like bitch!!! It hurts!!! Maybe one day, they'll be a 5 Series in my garage.