Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Guy's Rules

I'm too sad to write a blog, so I'll leave you with the guy's rules:

The Guys' Rules

We always hear"the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

5 Comments:

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said...

Men can pee with the seat down, they can either practice better aim or sit down. It isn't as easy for a woman to pee with the seat up. It's also a matter of courtesy. Since you are the man, give your woman such a simple courtesy or learn to perfect your pee aim.

And why does the woman need to conform to you. Typical female traits are part of the cost of being with a woman. Stop being difficult.

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger Jez Chill said...

It makes no sense to turn a 30 second pee event into a 120 second sonata. Let me dispell the myth, it's not the aim, the trajectory is always a mystery! Let's identify the real trajesty... when women pee on the toilet seat!!!!

This list is not about conforming at all, it's about understanding men. Once you do that, then you'll realize that we're more sensible than that other sex.

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Rainmayun said...

the real mystery is why women back into the bathroom in the dark with their eyes closed and park their ass on the toilet without even lookin at it... cuz if they didn't do that, they wouldn't fall in, and that's the reason I hear why they complain so much.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger GeckoGirl said...

Because the bright light hurts. There's no need to turn on the lights - we know where the bathroom is and that we left the seat DOWN. If you don't like putting the seat down, install a urinal.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Rainmayun said...

hey, I dont have any problems with the bathroom as currently configured, so I aint installing squat!

 

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