Tuesday, June 14, 2005

My House Is On FIRE!!!

Today started like any other, tried to get work early, staying busy preparing for my customer presentation tomorrow & Thursday. Then I get a call on my cell phone from some weird area code. Dude says, "This is your alarm company letting you know that your burglar alarm AND my fire alarm just went off." OH SHIT!!! Of course, I drop what I'm doing, and run to my car. I pass my entire management line as they returned from their lunch. I wonder what they are thinking, what they were talking about, I'll get to that later. I call both of my neighbors. One is a Mr. Mom, the other works days. No luck.

I jump in my car, and hit the gas as my mind started flooding the rest of my body with the fear of the worst. Forgetting that I have a tight sports suspension, I speed over the big company speed bumps. *Oooph* *Ahhhh* That hurt. Get on the main street, and I test out my SuperCharger. Mind you, you can't roll 3 blocks on this side of town w/o seeing a cop. One block....two blocks... three... there he is, right in front of me! Too make matters worse, not only do I now have to drive the speed limit, but my "Check Engine" light is on!

Now my car is about to blow up while I can only think about how one of the trailer park kids (neighboring subdivision) broke into my basement, stole who knows what, then tried to burn my house down! My castle!!! Up in flames with dreams. I get to my house, my neighbor is working in his yard (I'll get back to that too). No fire truck. I enter my house, turn my alarm off. It's hot as hell up in here!!! My car said it was 94 degrees outside, and I have my a/c on timer, so it's off during the day. No fire. No smoke. no busted windows or doors. What the hell? False alarm. My heart didn't get the message, cause it's still beating at 160 beats per min. Running upstairs, then downstairs, then down to the basement, & back up, sure didn't help. Thermostat says it's 87 in here. Fire alarm upstairs is flashing "red". Alarm says it's a basement window or door that was opened. OK. I don't know what's going on. The Alarm company didn't help any.

My neighbor said the fire truck left just as I arrived, I just missed them. Apparently, they came, knocked on the door & looked in my windows. Ummm, you can't see shit through my windows! Look at my house! ===> You can't tell if there's a fire upstairs. Nor from the windows in the front of my house. So if I left my iron on upstairs, or my clothes dryer caught fire, the firemen came & left w/o putting the fire out! Well, they must know that when they get a house fire alarm when no one is home, it's probably a false call. I'm glad they didn't knock down any doors.

Day stays bad

I return back to work 30 mins after I left. (10 min commute, 10 mins at my house). Now I the reason for my position is largely to ensure that tomorrow's presentation goes well. I go to the print shop to pick my my slide presentation, which is about 250 pages long! Instead of getting 25 stacks of 1 presentation package, I pick up 30 separate sections of the presentation, 25 copies each. AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! Plus, they are stapled together. As I frantically try to rearrange the packages prorperly, I realize that I'm about to present a bootleg package to our customer on a $80 million project. Each package is held together by rubber bands! Shit! I rummage through the office supplies to find the LARGE binder clips. But the staples make the corner of the slides too large for the clip. Conveniently, the young kid that helps had to leave, so I was stuck trying to find a way not to embarass myself tomorrow by myself. So here I am, removing thick staples from 30 sections just to apply one binder clip. Not the way I wanted to end my day. I'm no good at manual labor, so I stopped after creating 10 packages. Those are for the customer. Anyone else gets a bootlegged pkg!


OK, back to my mangement. why did I get a message from my manager only addressed to the few blacks in my group, inviting us to attend a breakfast with the Director of our program. This doesn't make any sense to me. Is he trying to fool folks to think that only the Black engineers have noteworthy info to tell? Nah. Is he trying to portray that he supports diversity, so here's all my proof? Does have some game he's playing and we're just pawns? There's probably 70 folks under him, 10 blacks, and he picks 4 to attend this meeting. Hmmm. Maybe I'm over reacting.

Keeping Up With the Jones' Part III

So after my heartrate came down to it's normal pace, I talked some more to my neighbor. Remember, I already told you that 2 doors down, dude built a retaining wall for his garden exactly like mine, so three adjacent houses have the same landscaping. Now my other neighbor is starting to build the exact same wall as mine! Where's the lack of creativity? Originality? I bit off of someone, so I guess it's just part of the neighbor game. His yard slopes much more than anyone else's yard, so his wall will be at least 5 feet tall! Mine is only 2.5 feet. I warned him, you just can't stack bricks 5 feet tall, the dirt will knock the wall down when it rains and dirt settles. He'll have to use cement or something to secure the bricks. I left for work, and noticed that he didn't make any progress since I was there. I guess he decided to quit for the time being after I warned him

Teaming up w/ the Jones' Part I

Before I left though, he acknowledged that he's been cutting part of my front yard. I was wondering why he was creeping onto my property (again). He says that when I cut my grass, it makes his yard look horrible, and vice versa. So he wants me to cut part of his yard so both of our yards will look nice. Hmmm, whatever.
Then he pointed out these strange bugs that were flying around the trees. He says they are Japanese Beetles. I've never heard of them. I saw them up close, and damn, these were some big ugly things, and they were mating like crazy! I've never seen such horny little insects! They were all over the trees. I never noticed. Here's my green thumb confession. I have a dead Oak tree in my backyard. Don't know what happened. It was alive last year. My neighbor suspects these beetles ate it to death! WTF? He put some type of powder on my trees, as well as his. He did that so the beetles on my trees won't infect his. I did some research, and he's right. I need to find me some insecticide ASAP. I also noticed one day part of my gutter fell off in the back of my house. I was about to go fix it one day, and it was already fixed! I think I will gladly cut his small section of lawn adjacent to mine.

Stevie on the Harmonica

Did you see Stevie Wonder play the Harmonica before tonights NBA game? AWESOME!!! Man's a musical genious.


At 9:29 PM, Blogger Call 2 Arms said...

Your neighbor sounds great very neighborly. He's quite bold. I like that story.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger WIP said...

Lemme get my five cent worth in early on...

Cool beans-- you only have a ten minute commute in the A-T-L? Un-freakin-believable! There is hope in the event of a possible relocation.

When you were describing your stint at the end of the day with the ba-zillion copies, staples, binder clips, and what-not, I was dying laughing. That is some ser'ous "Black Mac" stuff. Hope "we" haven't jinxed you with your newest name and now you gotta be pullin' bubble-gum-and-paper-clip type stuff to complete missions *LOL*.

Neighbor "Jones" sounds great; I think you ought'a keep him.

The fire alarm call should have had you digging in the file cabinets to make sure the H/O insurance was up to snuff. Glad you a'ight though. But wait, You. Are. Black. Macguyver. And your super-charged car has gotta be "Kitt"!

Best to you, on your presentation over the next couple days.


At 10:43 PM, Blogger Don Tate II said...

Gosh, I have nothing to say after seeing that big house. I thought my house was big, but you have a whole third floor on top of your double decker.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger Jez Chill said...

C2A: Yeah, we're both trying to protect the value of our homes.

Proactiff: Land/property is cheap here (The Cali in me coming out). You should be able to find the home of your dreams w/ out driving across the city to work. Thanks!

Don Tate: It's just a basement & two floors. Just wait until I find my next house! BTW, I posted a newer pic.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

Man, thank god your house was ok. I did see stevie last night, he's the man.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger WIP said...

Me likes the finished picture update. Are you sure I'mma be able to find something with a reasonable price tag? Did you hear about the seller's market?

*In her Little Red Riding Hood voice*... "My, what a gi-hu-normous house you have there."

*In her big bad wolf bass voice*... "Yes, big enough for a future wife and many babies to dwell in... and I'll huff and puff and I'll blow the right one up."

I just can't control myself sometimes. Help me. Here my cry.

At 3:44 PM, Blogger Brown Shuga said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that drama! I don't know how I would have handled all that!
Skipping past everything else...
Speaking of Stevie Wonder. Did you see him cheering last night during the game?!? I was like, "Da hell is he cheering about?!? LOL Seriously. How does he know who to jump up and cheer for?

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Sheron said...

*dead @ Brown Sugar's comment* LOL

I'm sorry to hear you had SO much shit going on in one day. I was getting tired just reading through all the madness. I am VERY happy to see that your home and contents were unharmed.

This post reminds me that I have a copycat story of my own to share...

At 3:00 AM, Blogger coley said...

Man, Sounds like you had a stressfull day! Glad the house is ok, It looks huge! I wish I had a nice friendly neighbor like yours!! I'm jelous of your 10 min commute as opposed to the hour it takes me (withought traffic) mind you!!! Moving out of Cali sounds more appealing every day! Take care, good luck on your presentations!!!

At 9:16 PM, Blogger E to the dwige said...

Wow your deck is really nice. Good luck your presentation or wait did it happen already? Either way knock 'em dead.

At 1:28 PM, Blogger silentbird said...

Glad everything worked out with your house. Sounds like it was a huge scare!

I'm sure your presentation went GREAT despite the bootlegged packages! LOL

I LUV your house! Me and TL have been looking at houses lately, but ATL is OUT of the question! TL has NO desire to live there, but it sounds cool! Your neighbor sounds like a nice guy (Gotta love that Southern hospitality!) I wish people in N.O. cared that much about how their neighborhoods looked!


At 7:45 PM, Anonymous SweetBianca said...

come on guys... You know what they say about loosing, or not having a sense, it makes the other one(s) enhanced.... so Steve was smelling the game!!! See!!


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